I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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