You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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