You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
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