Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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