Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize