i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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