Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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