the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
