Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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