she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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