That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
