Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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