After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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