i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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