He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just want to make out with him forever
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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