I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just made out with a guy for $7.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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