Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
