I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
