when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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