Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
