Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
