the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Come on in and take your pants off
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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