youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
