the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
