If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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