all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
