I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
