yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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