uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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