just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
