At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well I just put wine in my tea
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
