Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize