thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
