I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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