It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
