She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize