My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
