WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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