at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
