I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
North Korea, Best Korea!
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
