ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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