So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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