ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
