if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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