He is an equal opportunity slut.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Couch. On fire.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
