I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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