Moan for me like Helen Keller
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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