In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
