4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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