I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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