just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
