Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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