Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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