haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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