i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
