he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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