i can't believe i had my finger in that
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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