I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
