All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
