Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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