Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
