Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
