I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
